A VAM STUDIO Production

Starring Po’ Chop


because i’ve confused comfort with love. home with safety.

(being) here with living. we think we know our rock bottom until. until we find ourselves consumed by a darkness that no longer draws fear but soothes. now as i reflect over a time in the brightness of may.

when the warmest of hands circled my shoulder blades.

when they tugged me out of my own way.

breathed life into me despite my plea to for them to stop.

to leave me. be.

i can’t help but allow full tears to fall from the ledges of my eyes. i had never had a panic attack or been forced to choose between admittance or signing my name to paper binding me to not commit harm.

to myself. not before.

is a manifestation of that time. my own reckoning. of sitting with all of the trauma. it is proof of the life saving collaborations forged from this project. to say i am grateful for the direction of samantha lee and the amount of vulnerability she gifted me is a desperate attempt at putting into words what working with her has done for my own artistic practice. she gifted me the ability to drop barriers and the room to be imperfect. all while VAM diligently advocated and beckoned for my artistic vision. this team reinstated my belief in art and collaboration.

home|here is a story of wreckage, survival and the (sometimes borrowed) courage to press/tug on.